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What’s wrong?

My husband is very perceptive. He can sense with pinpoint accuracy when something’s “off” in me. When he does, he often asks:

“What’s wrong?”

Sometimes, the question is helpful and I can identify and share what I’m preoccupied with and which I might label “bad” or “wrong”.  But, sometimes, there is nothing “wrong” at all and the question puts me in a defensive place.

One thing I appreciate about Buddhism is the message, “it just is” rather than “it’s good” or “it’s bad”, “it’s right – or it’s wrong”.

With that in mind, he and I talked about his question and came up with this reframe: Continue reading “What’s wrong?”

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Manifestation of Resistance

Perhaps you have heard the phrase:

What you resist, persists.

When we resist life’s challenges, avoid confrontation and take shortcuts, the underlying problem isn’t resolved. Rather, it persists and eventually returns, perhaps disguised a bit differently. Resisting or avoiding keeps us from living into this message: The only way out is through.

During my training as a life coach, we explored resistance since this keeps people from growing into and expressing the life they want to live. This very helpful visual came with the discussion. Continue reading “Manifestation of Resistance”

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Settling?

Often folks come to life coaching for support in living their fullest life, living into their dreams, moving beyond what feels like “settling” for the life experience they seem to be having. So when I heard this:

You are not settling – you are settling into the life you were meant to live.” ~ Polly Hensen

I also heard a momentary disconnect inside followed by:

“Yes! And …”

“Yes!” to looking back at where we have  been, the talents and skills we’ve developed, the relationships which really matter, the values which we hold near and dear.

“Yes!” to settling into the foundation of who we are now. 

“And …”

courageously discerning how we want to expand from this foundation.

Where are you NOW?
What is your foundation made of?
How are you meant to expand from here?
What support does your expansion need?

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The Downside of Self-Sufficiency

I learned early in life to be self-sufficient, not to need, “Do it yourself: don’t ask for help”. While this may seem empowering, even wise, at first glance, one downside is: I shrunk my world. If I couldn’t do it, it didn’t get done.

Another, though, is that by not asking for help, I didn’t learn the art of co-creating, of “doing with”. This is SO essential for healthy teamwork and family dynamics.

Moreover, Continue reading “The Downside of Self-Sufficiency”

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(in)flexibility

“nothing is possible unless the door is open
a mind full of itself caught up in its own tentacles
living in memory
never hears the whispers from the depth
only in innocence are we vulnerable to reality
only in not-knowing does the light appear”

~ Billy Doyle, The Mirage of Separation

I remember as a teenager thinking, “I will be an adult soon. I’ll graduate from college, get married, and have all the answers I need to succeed in life.”

Okay, pretty silly and naive!

And, gratefully, Continue reading “(in)flexibility”