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What Do You Tolerate?

Tolerate: to endure or resist the action of without serious side effects or discomfort …

Okay. So we tolerate and nothing horrible seems to come of it. We tolerate too many to-do’s on the plate. We tolerate a job that doesn’t challenge us. We tolerate the nagging tooth pain because it isn’t convenient to go to the dentist right now. We tolerate clothes that don’t fit.

Take a few moments to browse the landscape of your life. Consider some or all of these general categories or replace them with others that are more meaningful to you:

  • Career or Education/Academics
  • Money (Job or Obsession with)
  • Primary Relationship
  • Family and other meaningful relationships
  • Physical Environment/Household
  • Spirituality, Personal Growth, Alone Time
  • Health/Exercise/Sleep
  • Creativity
  • Fun and Recreation
  • Social Life

For each, ponder:

What do I tolerate here?
What would shift “tolerating” to “nourishing” or “enjoyment” or “ecstasy”?
What am I willing to risk?

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In Search of Balance

Do you ever notice in yourself a very strong pull of masculine energy? It is characterized by inner voices, often repeating messages from our outer realities, which say:

  • Do more
  • Not enough
  • Not good enough
  • Keep going, there is no time to stop
  • Your feelings don’t matter

And the voices continue non-stop if we allow them.

Yet there is another energy, another voice, a feminine, grounded, centering, sensitive, intuitive side in us all. The feminine energy speaks in these ways:

  • What are you feeling?
  • What would be easeful?
  • What does your inner wisdom know?
  • What rest do you need?
  • What answer awaits your receptivity?

You may relate to these energies as the yin and yang, symbolized here:

The Yin-Yang Symbol

Notice the balance and flow. The feminine yin merges into the masculine yang, white into black, flow and balance. You may believe that one is better than the other. I’d like to invite you into an exploration of both. Whether you are man or woman, you possess and need both energies. If this idea is foreign, or if you are aware of the concept yet are challenged to embrace both energies with your life,  I invite to read more about it. I also recommend this book though it is written from the perspective of woman needing to understand the value of the inner masculine and use it to reconnect with her inner feminine:

Consider it an introduction to a way of being that honors all of you and welcomes a yin, or feminine infused yang into your life. And a feminine, yin energy that is supported by its yang counterpart. From this place, you are free to choose:

What aspects of the masculine do I need now?
How would feminine energy serve this situation?
In what ways am I out of balance?
In what ways have I allowed either energy to go unchecked, unconsciously controlling my actions?

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Body Talk

Our body is a powerful source of information, an ever-ready guide to support the decisions we make and the way we move in the world. Through our five physical senses and emotions, as well as through the energetic impulses and intuitive nudges we often ignore, our beings are ever trying to help us. Today, gift yourself with some intentional pauses. Close your eyes. Release your thoughts. Relax into your body. And notice. Notice the energy vibrating in your limbs, organs, cells. Notice impulses. Notice the life within. Ask your body:

What message do you have for me?

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When my choice impacts you …

Challenges Ahead

How are you when the decision you face holds the potential for major impact on those around you? Perhaps it’s  the decision to divorce or change jobs or move far away from family. Likely you don’t make these decisions lightly. But do you:

  • Build a case your head why the current situation (or the people in it) is bad and you have to run the other direction?
  • Worry about what they will think and how they will feel and perhaps ignore the voice in your gut that knows what you need?
  • Get stuck in thinking and rethinking and trying to figure out how to make it good for everyone involved?

Here’s the hard truth. There will most likely be folks who dislike your actions, are negatively impacted by your choices, who think you have betrayed them. And no matter how hard you try, you cannot fix or take care of them. Period. Plus, they have the power to choose how they respond, how they feel, how they react to your choice.

The next time you face a major decision, try this out:

  1. Ask yourself: If no one else was impacted, what is my truth here? What is my gut telling me to do?
  2. Try on other scenarios. What does it feel like in you to go against your gut? What regrets might you hold if you chose one of these?
  3. Separate your feelings from your gut knowing. Take time to be with your own sadness or discomfort, dis-ease or fear. Acknowledge how you feel and know that feelings are meant to guide us. They may be a warning suggesting we stay put. They may be a challenge inviting us to move forward through our fear.
  4. Take time to be aware of how you think others will be impacted. Then know that you could be wrong! Also, consider seeing them as strong and capable of taking care of themselves, perhaps even expanding into more of who they can be in your absence.
  5. Know who your safe others are, persons who can be objective and who care about you, and bounce ideas off of them. You alone, however, make the final decision and must be responsible for your impact.

If, after all of this, your decision is one with major impact, let your compassionate, wise, loving, caring self be gentle but firm in the message delivery. Speak your truth clearly yet honestly, honoring yourself and the other. Be open to the impact but don’t take it personally. Caring for others doesn’t mean we never disappoint them or do things which cause them to feel anger or hurt or fear. If we really care, we see them as fully empowered to move through their emotions, getting the support they need, and growing through the situation.

No one said a life which includes deeply caring about others as well as ourselves was going to be easy. In fact, it can be one of the most courageous things we’ll ever do! Yet, I wonder:

Is there really any other way?

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Fresh Start

Just a little bit for you today…

Close your eyes. As you take three deep breaths, invite your thoughts to float away. Vision only a clear canvas that awaits the brush stroke of your intuition, your Inner Guide. With the canvas in front you, let your Guide answer the following question:

What desires a fresh start?