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What support will you receive today?

Recently I wrote this:

Separate or Among: You get to choose!

Today’s message is very aligned with being “among”. Do you value independence? Do you believe you can do “it” yourself and that you don’t need support? Perhaps you would answer “No” in some areas of your life but in others, your response is a very strong “Yes!” Maybe you collaborate well at work but when it comes it improving your diet your stubborn streak says, “I can do it myself!” Or perhaps it is your emotional well-being for which you take full responsibility and refuse any loving attempts from friends who offer a listening ear.

Here is a truth: We don’t do “it” alone! We need support. And we need to be a support to others. I suspect that the most independent among you could list several others in your life for whom you offer support. True? And for each one of those that you support, realize that they are receiving support and releasing a bit of independence.

Today, consider giving someone the gift of supporting you. Ask yourself:

Where am I struggling to do “it” alone?
What stubborn streak am I willing to set aside so I can receive?
What kind of support would have a powerful impact?
Whose gifts would match my support need?

Then – ask for support – today!

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Separate or Among? You get to choose!

PeopleWorkingTogether

Imagine you in your life – in the activities you do, at work, within your family, in your volunteer commitments – anywhere that you are in the presence of a group of people. Close your eyes and put yourself there now. In your mind’s eye, what do you see?

  • Are you physically present and emotionally absent?
  • Are you physically present but off to one side as the judgmental onlooker?
  • Are you physically present but lonely or depressed and assuming that no one cares?
  • Are you deeply engaged, perhaps to the point of taking over the controls?

Perhaps you’ve been all of these at various times! How do they work for you? Likely, not too well. These ways of being, of seeing ourselves, don’t feel good and certainly don’t result in our personal best having an impact on the world around us.

Consider another way: always among. It is a choice we make each and every time we enter into relationship with the world around us. We can choose:

  • to see ourselves as separate: thinking and feeling our way into isolation or into control over others
  • to see ourselves as one among many: collaborators on this life journey, supporting one another, sharing personal gifts and talents for the good of the whole, sometimes leading, sometimes encouraging, sometimes just doing what needs to be done

Notice where you show up as separate. Experiment with an intention of among. See each person as an individual contributor to an interconnected whole. Each is one among many serving something greater than their personal agendas. Then ask:

What are we creating?
What is their contribution?
What am I to offer now?

What does it feel like to be among?

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The Spotlight of Deep Listening

SpotLight

Deep listening is the gift of giving our undivided attention. It involves listening beyond the words to the emotion, the meaning, the essence of what is being communicated. It is listening with our whole body and hearing what the other may be feeling, especially when they are unable to speak the words aloud.

Unfortunately, deep listening is rare, yet so very needed in our world. Too often we are multi-tasking in our brain – thinking about what we’ll say next or what is on our to-do list when we are pretending to listen to the child or parent or colleague or friend in front of us.

Though rare, you know when someone is deeply listening to you! And, it is a skill everyone can develop. To enhance the power and impact of your listening, try this one simple idea:

Shine the spotlight over there!

A well-known expression goes like this: What you focus on expands. Now, imagine there is a listening spotlight that you habitually shine on your own thoughts. In this way, while outwardly focused on the other person, inwardly, that light is expanding your thinking rather than expanding your ability to receive what the other person is communicating. Experiment today. In each conversation, begin by pausing, turning on the spotlight, and pointing it in the direction of the one who needs your listening ear.

What do you hear when your focus is directed on them?
What do you notice in your responses?
What is the impact of your deeper listening?

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Lost in the Story…

I woke to find myself confused, uncertain, unsettled, my brain busy with thoughts – and decided to listen to a talk by Adyashanti which brought my awareness out of my head and into my heart. As my heart space grew, as inner peace and calm grew, I noticed how busy my head has been lately, how often I’ve shared the stories of life with people I care about. There have been many stories (No, I won’t go into them and get lost now!!) and many precious people to tell.

Yet … staying in the stories, retelling the happenings of life, had the impact of me losing “me”, losing the deep, inner presence that calms my spirit and allows me to be fully alive with you. I am reminded of balance – in this case, balancing the need for inner connection with the human need for relationship. And, in relationship, balancing the need for sharing the happenings, the stories, the activities, with the sharing of connection, heart-centered open presence with one another. What about you?

Where is storytelling keeping you from connection?
Where are you lost in your stories?
What change are you ready to make?

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Supporting Characters …

shrew

If life is a stage, then you are the main character in your life experience, yes?  And, if that is true, then you play a supporting role in the lives of many others.

What does this mean?

It means that each one of us has perhaps much greater impact on others than we have dared to imagine. The choices we make day in and day out can support those around us, can have loving impact. They can also be the source for another’s pain or struggle. While we cannot fully control how another receives the impact of our actions, we can and must choose how we act, how we choose to be in our supporting roles.

And we must realize that we are a supporting character on MANY stages! It is easy to see that we support our partners, our children, our colleagues and friends. Yet, there are people we will not ever meet in this lifetime for whom our choices have an indirect impact. Imagine the “friend of a friend of a friend” … how we are with our friend changes how our friend is with their friend, and so on. Perhaps it is the legacy we leave at the office when we retire, the legacy in word and deed and energy, that impacts those who come after us. Maybe it is our loving presence, our smile, in the check-out line that goes home with the tired cashier and becomes a hug for their special little child.

So I wonder:

For whom are you a supporting character?
What gifts and talents do you bring to the role?

If you saw yourself as a supporting character on the world stage,
what would you bring to your role in each and every scene?