Category: Relationships

Insisting on getting our needs met by a particular someone, as pointed out in part two:

Wants and Needs Part II

has the potential to put undue strain on a relationship. What did you notice as you experimented with separating your need from “the one person on earth who you want to meet it”? Did you return to that important relationship “filled up, less needy, more available”? What was the impact?

What is possible from here?

For a few more thought provoking ideas around relationships, check out:

Of course there is a part one! Here you go:

Wants and Needs Part I

Today’s focus is around getting our wants and needs met. Consider these two statements:

I need to talk about what just happened.
I need to talk about what just happened with Mary Jane.

Now feel into the expectation of the second statement. Perhaps you really do need to talk. But do you need to talk with “Mary Jane”? How often do we force others to meet our emotional needs? Perhaps even our want or need for activity:

I need/want to go for a walk.
I need/want to go for a walk with YOU.

The next time you find yourself with a need, notice if you are narrowing the possibility for getting the need met and placing expectations on another person. Then ask yourself:

What if I force “you” to meet my need?
What other options do I have?
What if I get my need met and return to “you” filled up?

Then choose.

For part 3 around the topic of listening, I have an invitation for you. First, if you missed the first two posts, check out:

How do you listen?

Then, today’s question is: Who listens to YOU in this deep and present way? Who in your life practices the kind of keep listening that you’ve been giving to others? Who do you know who would practice deeper listening if they believed they could make the time for it?

If you can’t think of anyone who has listened deeply to you, consider who might be willing to give you the gift of being heard. Then, pass along this message with your request. Realize that you may get “No” for an answer and be ready to ask someone else! Know, too, that everyone – including you – deserves to be heard.

What does it feel like to be deeply heard and understood?
What is the gift of deep listening?

A recent post was titled: Do You Listen? If you have discovered that you are missing out on the richness of life and relationships because you aren’t really listening and you are ready to make some changes, then let’s get started. Consider choosing one or two trusted and ongoing relationships in your life and practice:

• Get curious! Assume nothing from your own experience and instead ask questions like “What was that really like for you?” to help you understand the experience from their perspective.
• Imagine you were breathing in and out of your heart and listening from there. Take your head out of the conversation and let your body, emotion, spirit be fully connected to the other.
• Be aware of the energy, inflection, emotion, pace of the words being spoken. What do they tell you about the message?
• Notice what is not being said. What are they afraid to say or disconnected from? If it feels right, ask about it.

For a fun way of being with the art of listening, check out this song:

I Listen Well (lyrics and recording) 

What is present when you REALLY listen?