Category: Relationships

Today, as my friend and I were finishing our conversation via Skype, we shared “hugs”. Initially, we quickly said “Sending a hug” and “Sending it right back”.

Then we stopped. I asked if I could simply receive her hug first, without imagining that I was also hugging her. I landed in tears as I fully received her gift. Then it was my turn to hug her and allow her to simply receive. She, too, was touched.

Consider trying this for yourself. They say we humans really don’t multi-task. We can only do one thing at a time. The next time you embrace a friend, stop. Ask to receive separately from your giving.

What do you notice when you single-task your hugs?

Recently I was reminded of the value of listening – the value of caring enough to listen without judgment, without trying to fix, with nothing more than an open, loving heart and a mind open enough to simply receive. I was reminded that this gift is needed – not just with coaching clients, not just with friends. It is needed at home. It is needed with those whose lives touch mine intimately.

“Of course!” you say.

Yet, home seems to be the place where I fail the most, where I slip into judgment, where I forget that you don’t need me to fix you.

Why is it so hard at home? 

Maybe because we are too familiar, I make assumptions, I fall into automatic, default mode rather than active, alive, loving listening mode. Maybe because your choices impact my life differently than those “out there”. Maybe because I don’t care enough to take the time to remember to bring my best self to our relationship.

While the reason doesn’t matter, I don’t like those possibilities! I want my actions and my listening to show you the depth of my love. You deserve that.