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Awesome Self-Care … can be a lonely road

RoadLessTraveled
I was asked to write about this topic … and I think I need to make it very simple.

Self-care: honoring what “I” need physically, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually — nourishing my body, allowing my emotions to be and flow, healing and expressing my spirit, speaking my thoughts without apology.

Look around you. Who do you know who practices awesome self-care? If you are fortunate enough to know even one such person or, better yet, to BE that person, what is their impact on those around them?  My guess is that they are generous, kind, loving, authentic, real and that the gift they give themselves daily can’t help but spill over into honoring everyone and everything around them.

If the impact of deep and powerful self-care is feeling great and being an amazing person to be around:

Why do so few people practice awesome self-care?

Just maybe some of this is true:

  • they live in the excuses of “no time for that” or “that is selfish”
  • they are unable to say no to others; they have poor or non-existent boundaries
  • they don’t love themselves enough

There is one more, rarely spoken of reason:

It can be very lonely.

Think about it. How many people do you know who practice awesome self-care regularly, who are truly devoted to their personal wellbeing and who say no to you when your request interferes with it? Not many! In our society and many others in today’s world, amazing self-care is the road less traveled. You won’t readily find a 12-step group called Amazing Self-Care Anonymous (though you could start one!) or an organization whose core values include each employee practices amazing self-care first. All too often, those closest to us, family and friends, are anything but encouraging when we put ourselves first.

So this practice of amazing self-care can be VERY lonely.

Yet, here is my truth, having been growing my personal practice steadily over the past 10-15 years:

  • The more I take care of me, the more I’m accused of being generous!
  • The more I take care of me, the more I have within me to give and the more I want to give it.

With respect to awesome self-care, I choose to be in this world, but not of it. I can’t imagine any other way to be anymore.

Please, don’t take my word for its value, but do give amazing self-care a try.  Please? If you can’t do it for yourself, consider doing it for those you love. Consider modeling extreme awesome self-care for your children, your friends and for those you work with who aren’t aware that it is a choice and perhaps don’t know how to do it.

How will your amazing self-care impact our world?
What loneliness are you willing to experience …
for the greater good?

Thank you.

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The Spotlight of Deep Listening

SpotLight

Deep listening is the gift of giving our undivided attention. It involves listening beyond the words to the emotion, the meaning, the essence of what is being communicated. It is listening with our whole body and hearing what the other may be feeling, especially when they are unable to speak the words aloud.

Unfortunately, deep listening is rare, yet so very needed in our world. Too often we are multi-tasking in our brain – thinking about what we’ll say next or what is on our to-do list when we are pretending to listen to the child or parent or colleague or friend in front of us.

Though rare, you know when someone is deeply listening to you! And, it is a skill everyone can develop. To enhance the power and impact of your listening, try this one simple idea:

Shine the spotlight over there!

A well-known expression goes like this: What you focus on expands. Now, imagine there is a listening spotlight that you habitually shine on your own thoughts. In this way, while outwardly focused on the other person, inwardly, that light is expanding your thinking rather than expanding your ability to receive what the other person is communicating. Experiment today. In each conversation, begin by pausing, turning on the spotlight, and pointing it in the direction of the one who needs your listening ear.

What do you hear when your focus is directed on them?
What do you notice in your responses?
What is the impact of your deeper listening?

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The Art of YOU!

TheArtOfYou

How would it feel to embrace your life as a work of art and you the artist … every color selection, every brush stroke, a mindful addition to your personal creation?

I’m curious how you receive that idea.  Does it fill you with warmth and desire to get to know who you are and how you want to live this precious life? Does it sound selfish?

Here’s something for you to ponder. You are unique. You alone can discover who you were meant to be, the talents that are yours to develop and share, the service that is yours to give, the ideas that you, and only you, can share with humanity in service of the greater good. There is nothing selfish about daring to discover passion and purpose then mindfully developing your “life art” and letting it be seen.

Bring to mind someone whose full embrace of their personal gifts has greatly impacted you – perhaps an amazing teacher, mentor, parent,  musician, artist, actor – maybe even your own child.

What would be missing in your life without this person?

What are you withholding …
from those in your circle of influence?

What will it feel like …
to embrace The Art of YOU?

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When there is nothing to say …

IMAG0270

What do you do when you have nothing of substance to say? Do you:

  • Talk anyway, saying anything that comes to mind?
  • Write the next blog post anyway?
  • Think hard about what to say when the other person is talking?

I ask, because I wanted to write a blog post this morning but no topics were calling to me. Then I realized that many of us need to learn when NOT to speak or write, when to be silent, to listen, simply to be present to the situation or the person in front of us. Imagine this for a moment: fewer surface conversations, a calm mind, fewer posts to read, more space to ponder, wonder, dream or be still.

Today, be present to the things you say just to fill the gap. Notice when you are in conversation and not really listening. If it helps in those moments, take a deep breath. Let that breath calm your busy mind, your anxious nervous system.

What do you notice when you remain silent?

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Why do periodic reviews?

I just completed my annual review on March 1, the beginning of my new year. I was amazed to look back and notice how often I had stepped into new ways of impacting the world. I was reminded of all the personal challenges in the midst of that expansion. I realized how much I had grown! My intention for the year had been to celebrate, play and receive and I had done that – and – I had positive impact on those around me.

What is the purpose of the periodic pause,
noticing where we are,
looking backward, forward, setting intentions?

My review, this intentional pause, served as a huge acknowledgment of what I have to offer our world as well as all that I am grateful for. Setting an intention for the year ahead from this awareness allows me to leap forward, expand, become more of who I am to be in this lifetime.

I invest the time in this annual pause for clarity, assurance and direction.

What would you discover in an annual review?
How would your actions shift with a powerful, focused intention?

(*) For some guidance on how to do a review, check out EOY Review.