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Courage

I see a lot of courage in coaching clients and I often call it out. Coaching has the tendency to invoke whole life change from the inside out and that takes tremendous courage! Why? Inside/Out change asks us, among other things, to:

  • become very clear on personal values and make choices which align with them
  • gain clarity on what we want to create with our lives and do what it takes to prepare ourselves to act boldly in service of our visions
  • face our inner demons and fears, old pain and regret, and move forward from the deepest truth and understanding we know in the moment
  • reconsider and revamp – or even release – habits, activities and relationships which do not align with who we come to know ourselves to be

I recently read this quote:

“Courage is almost a contradiction in terms. It means a strong desire to live taking the form of a readiness to die.”
G. K. Chesterton

It makes me ask:

Where is courage leading you?
What vision are you ready to die for?
What in you is ready to die in service of more?

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I Listen Well …

Yesterday I wrote about the space:

The Space

and encouraged those of us who are struggling and overwhelmed during this time of extreme stress to pause and be with the silence “between” and to listen in the space.

Today I share a bit about listening. In our country, in the world, in our communities, in our relationships … people are craving to be heard. There is no doubt about that. Yet, in our craving to be heard, many of us are speaking without listening. We are speaking with words, with emotion and with action. Sometimes, it’s powerful and helpful. Sometimes, it is noise or worse, very damaging.

Each one of us needs to expand on and to practice deep listening skills. We can begin with yesterday’s message that suggests we listen within, to our own heart and soul. Then, listen outside of ourselves. Listen without needing to respond. Listen without personalizing the message, interpreting according to our understanding and planning our comeback. Listen. Listen with every part of our beings. Feel the truth of the other’s message.

What if each of us were to do more listening than speaking today?

As a life coach, listening is one of five core qualities inherent in good coaching. We listen at levels deeper than the average person but everyone can expand their listening muscle. Read the lyrics below. Notice where you find yourself on the listening scale. Are you at level one? Do you already practice skills associated with level two or three?

I Listen Well

Do you listen to the body, hear the message in the breath?
Do you sense the energy that either flows or now is trapped?
Do you find that deep within you know a truth that’s not been said?
Or do you just to words respond and listen with your head?

And after you have heard your client to the point of pause,
it’s time for you from deep within to engage in your response.
And then be sure to listen to the impact! Stay tuned in!
For now is not the time to wonder what you’d do instead!

Listening at level one I’m hearing everything you’ve done.
And I respond, “You won’t believe –
I’ve done the same and more you see!”
I’m listening at level one.

Listening at level two there’s really only me and you.
We’re in a bubble and I sense
all that you say and don’t express!
I’m listening at level two.

Listening at level three the whole wide world I sense and see.
The force field is alive!
My intuition knows: I let it guide!
I’m listening at level three.

I clarify, articulate. And metaphorically I state:
suggest a meta-view and I acknowledge what I see in you!

I listen to the body, hear the message in the breath.
I sense the energy that either flows or now is trapped.
I find that deep within I know a truth that’s not been said.
I listen now beyond the words and use more than my head.

And after I have heard my client to the point of pause,
I naturally from deep within engage in my response.
Aware with eyes, ears, mind and heart; with taste and yes, with smell…
I do not miss the moment; as a coach I listen well!

What one way will you expand your listening today?
What will you listen to that you have previously ignored?

What do you notice when deep listening precedes your response?

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When my choice impacts you …

Challenges Ahead

How are you when the decision you face holds the potential for major impact on those around you? Perhaps it’s  the decision to divorce or change jobs or move far away from family. Likely you don’t make these decisions lightly. But do you:

  • Build a case your head why the current situation (or the people in it) is bad and you have to run the other direction?
  • Worry about what they will think and how they will feel and perhaps ignore the voice in your gut that knows what you need?
  • Get stuck in thinking and rethinking and trying to figure out how to make it good for everyone involved?

Here’s the hard truth. There will most likely be folks who dislike your actions, are negatively impacted by your choices, who think you have betrayed them. And no matter how hard you try, you cannot fix or take care of them. Period. Plus, they have the power to choose how they respond, how they feel, how they react to your choice.

The next time you face a major decision, try this out:

  1. Ask yourself: If no one else was impacted, what is my truth here? What is my gut telling me to do?
  2. Try on other scenarios. What does it feel like in you to go against your gut? What regrets might you hold if you chose one of these?
  3. Separate your feelings from your gut knowing. Take time to be with your own sadness or discomfort, dis-ease or fear. Acknowledge how you feel and know that feelings are meant to guide us. They may be a warning suggesting we stay put. They may be a challenge inviting us to move forward through our fear.
  4. Take time to be aware of how you think others will be impacted. Then know that you could be wrong! Also, consider seeing them as strong and capable of taking care of themselves, perhaps even expanding into more of who they can be in your absence.
  5. Know who your safe others are, persons who can be objective and who care about you, and bounce ideas off of them. You alone, however, make the final decision and must be responsible for your impact.

If, after all of this, your decision is one with major impact, let your compassionate, wise, loving, caring self be gentle but firm in the message delivery. Speak your truth clearly yet honestly, honoring yourself and the other. Be open to the impact but don’t take it personally. Caring for others doesn’t mean we never disappoint them or do things which cause them to feel anger or hurt or fear. If we really care, we see them as fully empowered to move through their emotions, getting the support they need, and growing through the situation.

No one said a life which includes deeply caring about others as well as ourselves was going to be easy. In fact, it can be one of the most courageous things we’ll ever do! Yet, I wonder:

Is there really any other way?

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What is your “counter-cultural intention”?

It takes intention and staying power to live counter-culturally.

I spoke those words to a friend yesterday and they struck a cord in her. I took that as a sign to go deeper for, in that moment, they’d just flown off my tongue.

What did I mean?

For me, counter-cultural describes much of what I create as I live into purpose and passion and a life of service. Much of how I spend my life energy is not what society and the world of marketing, consumption and busyness would suggest. I value inner quiet, meditation, personal integrity, the human spirit. Your counter-cultural is likely different and might be choosing health while surrounded by family or coworkers who don’t.

Here’s the thing: we are all called to change the world – to make the world a better place. This amazing video is a powerful request to consider the children, consider ourselves, and heal the world:

Whatever it is that YOU are called to do to make the world a better place around you, DO IT! Don’t wait for a better time. Don’t wait for someone else to take the first step. Set your intention and DO IT. Do it NOW. Create better at work, at home, in your relationships. When it doesn’t feel good or easy, STAY with your intention.

It takes intention and staying power to live counter-culturally.

And it takes each one of us to follow through on our intention to make the world a better place, to live counter-culturally.

What is your “counter-cultural” intention?
What is your staying power?

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What don’t I know?

I-dont-know

Today’s thoughts come from ideas I am exploring in the book, The Zen Leader by Ginny Whitelaw. Before you stop reading because you don’t see yourself as a leader, wait! Everyone is a leader and that includes you! (More on this another day…)

Now that you’re with me, the simple idea for today is this:

What don’t I know?
What would be different in my life experience if I kept this question constantly at the ready?

If you are like me, you are an expert at approaching situations and trying to figure out what you know, what is familiar, the answer. From here, of course, you know what to do and how to handle yourself! But if we remain focused on what we already know, how does anything new come into being? How do we expand? How does humanity move forward if we only act based on yesterday’s knowledge?

Great leaders explore the unknown and vision what’s possible. How could this leadership trait impact our day-to-day lives? Imagine waking up to another day filled with family commitments, work, personal self-care, volunteer opportunities, … all the usual activities on the calendar. Now:

  • What if you open your eyes in the morning and ask, “What don’t I know about the possibilities for my physical body today?”
  • What if your child or significant other comes to ask a favor and you think, “What don’t I know about his or her inspirations, dreams, desires?”
  • What if you go to your job and ask, “What don’t I know about my coworkers? What don’t I know that might make my efforts more efficient or easier?”
  • What if you pause to think about your future and ask, “What don’t I know?”

What is the power of “What don’t I know?”? I think it is an opening, a crack in limited thinking, a ray of hope and expansion and possibility in a world that sometimes feels small and hopeless. I believe it is also an opportunity to open ourselves to others, to collaboration, to the awareness that we are not alone and that we have much to learn and many ways to work and grow together.

Care to play this game with me today?
What don’t YOU know?