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Wants and Needs Part II

Of course there is a part one! Here you go:

Wants and Needs Part I

Today’s focus is around getting our wants and needs met. Consider these two statements:

I need to talk about what just happened.
I need to talk about what just happened with Mary Jane.

Now feel into the expectation of the second statement. Perhaps you really do need to talk. But do you need to talk with “Mary Jane”? How often do we force others to meet our emotional needs? Perhaps even our want or need for activity:

I need/want to go for a walk.
I need/want to go for a walk with YOU.

The next time you find yourself with a need, notice if you are narrowing the possibility for getting the need met and placing expectations on another person. Then ask yourself:

What if I force “you” to meet my need?
What other options do I have?
What if I get my need met and return to “you” filled up?

Then choose.

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Wants and Needs Part I

How often do you find yourself saying or thinking, “I need a …” or “I want that…”? We all do it. What I’d like to think about today is the distinction between wanting and needing. Beyond the  material, do I:

need time with a friend or want time with a friend?
need to know that or want to know that?
need acknowledgment or want acknowledgment?

Hear the difference? The next time you find yourself saying, “I need this …” which seems to imply that something bad will occur if you do not get it, stop. Dare to ask yourself:

Do I really want to believe this is a need?

If it is a want, consider the freedom in letting it go!

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Do you listen to yourself?

Okay – this is the last in the listening series – for now anyway! If you missed the first three posts, follow the leads backwards:

What is it like to be listened to?

Now:

Do you listen to yourself?

  • Do you ever just stop and watch your thoughts?
  • Do you ever just close your eyes, breathe in deeply, and hear your body’s needs?
  • Do you ever let yourself write about what is important to you?

What would you hear if you listened … to you?

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What is it like to be listened to?

For part 3 around the topic of listening, I have an invitation for you. First, if you missed the first two posts, check out:

How do you listen?

Then, today’s question is: Who listens to YOU in this deep and present way? Who in your life practices the kind of keep listening that you’ve been giving to others? Who do you know who would practice deeper listening if they believed they could make the time for it?

If you can’t think of anyone who has listened deeply to you, consider who might be willing to give you the gift of being heard. Then, pass along this message with your request. Realize that you may get “No” for an answer and be ready to ask someone else! Know, too, that everyone – including you – deserves to be heard.

What does it feel like to be deeply heard and understood?
What is the gift of deep listening?

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How do you listen?

A recent post was titled: Do You Listen? If you have discovered that you are missing out on the richness of life and relationships because you aren’t really listening and you are ready to make some changes, then let’s get started. Consider choosing one or two trusted and ongoing relationships in your life and practice:

  • Get curious! Assume nothing from your own experience and instead ask questions like “What was that really like for you?” to help you understand the experience from their perspective.
  • Imagine you were breathing in and out of your heart and listening from there. Take your head out of the conversation and let your body, emotion, spirit be fully connected to the other.
  • Be aware of the energy, inflection, emotion, pace of the words being spoken. What do they tell you about the message?
  • Notice what is not being said. What are they afraid to say or disconnected from? If it feels right, ask about it.

For a fun way of being with the art of listening, check out this song:

I Listen Well (lyrics and recording) 

What is present when you REALLY listen?