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Intrude on Yourself!

There is a skill in coaching called “intruding” or interrupting the client. It has a couple key uses, one of which is yet another way of being with “stories” :

  1. When a client is “telling a story” and taking it “way too far” – caught up in details and not learning from their personal reaction to or engagement in the situation – the coach may intrude and perhaps ask for “just the facts” or “bottom line” or “what’s they REAL issue?” or “what aren’t you saying?”
  2. When the coach has an intuition, an “Aha!” and it fits … NOW … in order to most benefit the client, the coach may interrupt and ask “I just had an intuition … may I share?”

The purpose here is to help the client go beyond the story, go deeper, get outside the box, vision, shift gears – learn. Continue reading “Intrude on Yourself!”

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Our “stories” –> Fact or Fiction?

Today I just want to share a technique I read about on a coaching forum. Try it the next time you have a “story” going on that isn’t working for you. You know the stories: “I can’t do … because he said blah, blah and she will blah blah and, well, I think blah… and they’ll think I’m blah …”. Got it? You’ll need paper, pen, and 3 differently colored highlighters.

First, take a few minutes to write down your story with all the details. Continue reading “Our “stories” –> Fact or Fiction?”

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Inner Integrity … continued

In the previous post, we explored how attitude can keep us in integrity with ourselves while participating in an activity that initially we wanted no part of:

Inner Integrity

Today, I’d like to explore inner integrity from a different angle. Being in integrity while meeting others’ needs is vital – though not always easy. And — we can do that for awhile, setting aside the voice within which says: “Please don’t keep that commitment! Please stop and rest. You don’t have the energy!” Yet, how long can we postpone or deny the very personal needs that we have? How long can we make mental adjustments in order to be in integrity while serving the world and be “okay”?

How do we know when it’s time stop,
listen to our inner callings
and be in integrity with our own needs?

Why are we so reluctant to honor them? Continue reading “Inner Integrity … continued”

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Inner Integrity

Integrity, in one of Webster’s definitions, is:

the quality or state of being complete or undivided

The word has come at me from many directions in the last few weeks and I think it’s time to explore it with you. In particular, this week, I’d like to dive into what it means to be in integrity with ourselves. Is that possible? What does it feel like? What is the value of this inner unity?

Internal integrity, for me, is that peace that comes from knowing and accepting who I am and living as that me at all times. It means that my actions in this moment reflect my innermost beliefs and desires. What you see me doing is a willing choice on my part. And when you and I are in relationship, I am at peace and you can sense the wholeness in me. Valuable?
Continue reading “Inner Integrity”

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From ME to WE

How often do you “go it alone”? Do you ever hear your inner voice muttering, “I could do it better by myself”? Are you inclined to avoid partnering with others because it will take longer or you don’t have the patience for it now?

Well, I have been there – for large chunks of my life! But recently, I desire more collaboration, co-facilitation, companionship on this journey of life and work. More and more I am noticing that:

  • my personal perspective is just one viewpoint, is limited
  • the world around me is getting more and more diverse and my way is SO NOT the only way
  • 1 + 1 can equal 3 (or more!)
  • it’s simply more fun when shared

The next time you find yourself convinced you will “go it alone” –whether it’s a project at work, a difficult conversation with a child, a volunteer adventure, or even what you’ll have for dinner, try out this exercise before proceeding (*). The structure for the exercise comes from the work of Barry Johnson, author of Polarity Management. I read about it in The Zen Leader, by Ginny Whitelaw, a book I strongly recommend for all leaders. Draw this diagram for yourself:

Complete it in this manner and order:

  1. In the upper left, list positive reasons for “go it alone” (+)
  2. In the lower left, list the drawbacks for “go it alone” (-)
  3. In the upper right, list positive reasons for “collaborate” (+)
  4. In the lower left, list the drawbacks with “collaborate” (-)

As you do, fully step into each perspective, letting go your preconceived biases. Consider implications on the task or project, on the relationships, on your own personal growth. Consider short-term and long-term impact. If you need help, engage others in the exercise.

Once complete, step back and really look at what you’ve written and ask:

Is now a time to proceed alone?
Is now a time to collaborate?
If so, who are the ideal collaborators?

Finally, maybe this isn’t an either/or scenario. Just maybe, some combination of alone and together has been revealed. If so – enjoy! You’ve just opened yourself up to 1 + 1 = 3!

(*) This exercise can be used anytime – and every time – you find yourself feeling stuck in one perspective or thinking you have only one option. Take your perspective, the option, and find its opposite. Draw a grid and GO!