- Admitted (recognized, acknowledged, became willing to open to the possibility) that I was powerless over this other person and that wanting to change them was causing me much pain.
- After seeking happiness through known methods, mostly by trying to change the other person, became willing to entertain help, a support system, ideas of others, and to believe that trust in others’ experience, strength and hope expressed as action steps on my part, might grant me the peace and joy I seek.
- Made a conscious decision to do something different – and to follow the guidance of a power greater than myself.
- Regularly bathed my consciousness in the new ideas presented by my Higher Power and my new guidance system, taking time to listen, ask questions and understand, and to contrast this thinking with past and current methods for acting and reacting to life.
- Each day, before entering into the world of activity, chose one new action step to take, albeit uncomfortable, and prepared to take that step.
- At days’ end or more frequently, paused, and through journaling or observing, noticed how my actions prompted by new ideas are impacting my thoughts, my life, my wellbeing and my happiness.
- Became aware of persons in my life who have tried to change me and realized that it doesn’t feel good. I cannot change them; I can change me. With this realization, included such relationships in my action plan of seeking help to learn what I can do and what makes me feel better about me.
- Came to see that, in relationship, “when nothing changes, nothing changes.” Yet, when one or both persons change, there will be a shift in the relationship, too, whether or not either person is willing to acknowledge the shift.
- Sought through “pause” (prayer and meditation), to become aware of the ways in which the relationships in my life nurture my “becoming” and the ways in which they no longer serve me (or the other person).
- Came to see that sometimes, when one or both persons have outgrown a relationship, the relationship must end.
- Became willing to draw closure, ever so lovingly, to relationships which have served their purpose, and to move on.
- Having realized the power of relationships, the potential for pain as well as the blessings, practiced these steps in all relationships, large and small, in all areas of my life.
A Fresh Look At Discipline
Does the very word discipline make you cringe? Do visions of childhood rules and limits set by your parents and teachers fill your mind? Are you quick to state that life is too full and too chaotic to consider the forced routine implied by discipline? A quick look at Webster’s and discipline reads like this:
“training that corrects, molds, or perfects the mental faculties or moral character; control gained by enforcing obedience or order; a rule or system of rules governing conduct or activity”
Discipline seems to be guidance from the outside, perhaps forced upon us and not chosen by us. Okay, cringing allowed!
But what if we added “self”? What is self-discipline? Continue reading “A Fresh Look At Discipline”
For the sake of what?
I am playing with this question for awhile. Here’s the thing. I set this as a topic for a talk I’m giving on January 6, 2013. And as I’ve tried to be with the talk – to create even an outline – I’ve gotten stuck and overwhelmed. What will this one really be about?
Meanwhile, it is the holiday season. And that little fact can also cause overwhelm and confusion. This year, for me, it was low key on the family front with no children at home and no extended family after December 23.
How are these things related? Well, I woke up today realizing that I needed to be with my talk title. Like it or not, you have been invited along for the ride! Ready? Buckled in? Here we go! Continue reading “For the sake of what?”
Family Christmas
Deep breath. Today my husband and I will travel to celebrate Christmas with my family of origin. I am aware that, despite 31 years of marriage and much personal growth, I still carry “old tapes” – stories of Christmas past – stories of people past.
I tear up with the awareness that I want to be seen for who I am today, just as I did 10 years ago when I gave you, my family members, this poem:
Yet I still see you at times, for who you were 10, 20, 30 years ago! It is time for me to let go. Time for me to receive you with heart and mind wide open! Continue reading “Family Christmas”
My Gift
My gift to you this Christmas is who I am inside.
No longer, living from my fear, will I try to hide
the me it’s taken forty years of living to unearth.
Yes, I have grown and changed; a new me has found its birth.
I’m different in the blessed now than in the blessed past.
Experience has shaped me with a Love I know will last.
From the center of this Love I’ve wrapped your gift with care.
Inside you’ll find my deepest truth that I now freely share.
I haven’t stopped my growing; nor asked for change to end.
As you watch, it’s possible, you’ll find me ’round the bend.
Wherever I may go in life, whatever I believe,
you’ll know ’cause through my actions, my truth you will perceive.
Please take my gift unto yourself, however you may choose.
No strings you’ll find attached, my friendship you’ll not lose.
However my truth strikes you, it’s mine, not yours, I know.
Blessings for your journey, friend, as on your path you go.
By Jeanne Loehnis, December 2002